When facing an IRS audit or tax dispute, most people believe the technical merits of their case—the tax law, documentation, and numbers—will determine the outcome.
After 15 years handling tax controversies as an IRS agent, CPA, and now tax attorney, I’ve discovered something surprising: how you interact with the IRS often matters more than the underlying tax issues themselves.
As Abraham Lincoln wisely noted, “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall (vinegar).” Nowhere is this more true than in tax controversies.
The Adversarial Mindset Trap
“The IRS is out to get me.”
I hear this sentiment frequently from potential clients. While completely understandable, this adversarial mindset often becomes the biggest obstacle between you and a favorable resolution.
The pattern repeats itself constantly: in my experience, taxpayers who approach audits with confrontation almost always end up with worse outcomes than those who adopt a strategic, cooperative approach.
A Tale of Two Taxpayers: Same Facts, Different Outcomes
Let me illustrate this principle through a fictional case study of two business owners facing identical audit situations.
Meet Michael and David
Both run manufacturing companies with comparable revenues in the same city. Both claimed similar deductions and, by coincidence, both were selected for examination by the same IRS revenue agent in the same month.
On paper, these cases should resolve similarly—but their dramatically different approaches led to vastly different outcomes.
Michael’s Approach: Confrontation and Resistance
Michael arrived at his audit already defensive. Before the agent could explain the process, he launched into complaints about government overreach and accused the IRS of targeting small businesses while letting large corporations “get away with murder.”
He placed a recording device on the table without asking permission and announced, “My lawyer told me not to answer any unnecessary questions.”
When asked for his mileage log to substantiate business expenses, Michael scoffed, “I’m far too busy running a legitimate business, employing people, and helping the economy to play bureaucratic games.” His documentation was disorganized, and he treated every question as an accusation rather than standard procedure.
David’s Approach: Cooperation and Professionalism
In contrast, David arrived with neatly organized records and a respectful attitude. His opening words set a constructive tone: “I understand you’re just doing your job, and I want to make this process efficient for both of us.”
When the agent found discrepancies in his meal expenses, David didn’t become defensive. Instead, he acknowledged thoughtfully, “My bookkeeper raised the same concern. Let me walk you through our client meeting system and documentation so you can see what happened.”
David wasn’t a pushover—he advocated for his positions but did so with evidence and respect rather than hostility.
How Approach Influences Outcome
As these audits progressed, the revenue agent’s approach to each case evolved differently:
With Michael: The agent scrutinized every deduction with increasing rigor. Michael’s hostility made the agent wonder what he might be hiding, leading to an expanded audit scope. Minor discrepancies that might have been overlooked became meticulously documented problems.
With David: The agent focused on substantive issues rather than minor technical violations. When David couldn’t locate a particular receipt, the agent was more inclined to accept alternative documentation because David had established credibility through cooperation.
The Results
- Michael’s audit: Ended with thousands of dollars in disallowed deductions plus a 20% accuracy-related penalty
- David’s audit: Despite starting with similar red flags, resulted in minimal adjustments and no penalties, as the agent determined his errors were honest mistakes made in good faith
The Psychology of Tax Disputes
This isn’t about playing favorites or “sucking up” to the IRS. It’s about understanding human psychology and how we respond to others.
Let me be absolutely clear about something many tax professionals won’t tell you: How you interact with the IRS is often more important than the underlying tax law or technical merits of your case.
You can have the strongest legal position imaginable, but if you create an adversarial relationship, the agent will scrutinize every detail and interpret gray areas against you. Conversely, even in cases with legitimate problems, a cooperative approach often leads to more favorable interpretations and outcomes.
Revenue agents and other IRS employees are professionals doing their job, but they’re also human beings who respond to how they’re treated. When approached with hostility, they naturally become more rigid and less flexible in their interpretations.
The Power of Discretion
Remember that IRS agents have broad discretion in many areas, including whether to:
- Expand the scope of an examination
- Apply or abate penalties
- Accept alternative forms of documentation
- Work with you on payment arrangements
- Consider settlement offers
Your attitude directly influences every one of these discretionary decisions—often more powerfully than the technical merits of your position.
The Honey Approach to Tax Disputes
When taxpayers assume an adversarial position from the start, they often create the very opposition they fear.
This doesn’t mean rolling over and accepting incorrect determinations. As your representative, I will vigorously defend your legitimate positions and fight improper assessments. But we’ll do it with evidence, professionalism, and strategic cooperation.
In tax controversies, honey really does work better than vinegar. This isn’t just friendly advice—it’s a strategic approach backed by years of experience working for the IRS and now defending business owners and individuals.
Professional Representation Makes the Difference
If you’re facing an audit or other tax controversy, don’t go it alone and don’t let emotions dictate your approach.
At Boss Tax Law, we specialize in building cooperative but firm strategies that protect your rights while maximizing your chances of securing a favorable outcome with the IRS.
Take the Next Step
If you have an IRS dispute you’re currently working through, schedule a consultation with us today. Let’s develop a cooperative strategy for your tax matter and secure the best possible resolution.