You can have perfect records, an experienced representative, and a completely legitimate case—and still damage your outcome in the first five minutes of an IRS meeting.
That’s the uncomfortable truth about IRS audits: documentation matters, but so does how you communicate. After years as an IRS agent and decades defending taxpayers as an attorney and CPA, I’ve seen solid cases fall apart because of a few careless words—and watched nervous taxpayers walk out clean because they said the right things at the right time.
In Chapter 9 of The IRS Survival Guide, I translate the attitude principles in Chapter 8 into specific, actionable language you can use before, during, and after any IRS interaction. Here’s what works—and why.
Why the first five minutes set the tone for everything
IRS agents are professionals with a job to do. Like any professional, they form impressions quickly. The taxpayer who walks in trembling signals something might be wrong. The taxpayer who walks in combative signals this is going to be a fight. Both raise flags.
Calm, courteous, and cooperative: that’s the posture that tells an agent you have nothing to hide and that your time is theirs to use efficiently. It doesn’t mean being a pushover—it means being strategic.
Exact phrases that build trust with an IRS agent
These aren’t scripts to memorize word-for-word. They’re frameworks. Adapt them to your situation, but keep the underlying tone intact.
Opening the meeting
“Thank you for explaining the process. I want to make sure we can resolve this efficiently for both of us.”
This opening does three things: it acknowledges the agent’s role, signals cooperation, and frames the meeting as a shared goal rather than an adversarial proceeding. If you’re meeting in person, offer water or coffee. Treat the agent like a guest, not an intruder. It sounds simple because it is—and yet most taxpayers never do it.
When an issue is raised
“How can we resolve this issue together?”
Notice the “we.” That single word repositions the dynamic from confrontation to collaboration. You’re not fighting the agent—you’re working alongside them toward a resolution.
Acknowledging the agent’s expertise
“I appreciate your expertise in these matters. Could you help me understand why this documentation isn’t sufficient?”
Agents are subject-matter professionals. Acknowledging that costs you nothing and earns significant goodwill. Pair it with a clarifying question and you turn a potential standoff into a productive dialogue.
Signaling openness
“If you need additional information, I’m happy to provide it.”
This phrase signals transparency and disarms suspicion. When a taxpayer volunteers cooperation, the agent has less reason to dig deeper looking for what’s being concealed.
Body language: your words and nonverbal signals must align
Saying “I want to cooperate” while crossing your arms and avoiding eye contact sends a mixed message. Every phrase above needs consistent nonverbal communication to back it up:
Body language: your words and nonverbal signals must align
Saying “I want to cooperate” while crossing your arms and avoiding eye contact sends a mixed message. Every phrase above needs consistent nonverbal communication to back it up:
Agents are trained to read people. If your words say cooperative and your body says defensive, your body wins.
What you should never say during an IRS audit
- Volunteers information beyond what was specifically asked
- Sounds defensive or combative (“This is totally unfair”)
- Speculates about intent (“I think I may have forgotten to…”)
- Contradicts your own documentation
- Minimizes the agent’s concerns (“That’s not a big deal”)
The most damaging thing most taxpayers do is talk too much. If you don’t know the answer, say so. If you need to check a record, say so. Silence is not guilt. Oversharing often is.
Why most of my clients never speak to the IRS directly
You have a legal right to representation before the IRS. When I represent a client, they typically don’t interact with the agent at all. That’s by design.
Having a tax attorney or CPA as your representative creates a strategic buffer. It prevents unintentional disclosures, ensures every communication is purposeful, and shifts the dynamic from an interrogation to a professional exchange between representatives.
But if you do need to appear in person or speak with an agent, your job is different from your representative’s. Your representative handles the technical arguments. Your job is the human element: demonstrating that you’re credible, cooperative, and not worth months of additional scrutiny.
How to prepare before the meeting
If you’re anxious—and most people are—ask your representative to run a preparation session with you. Cover:
- The most likely questions the agent will ask
- Your specific answers to each (and your clear boundaries)
- What you will not say, regardless of how the question is framed
- The phrases above, practiced until they feel natural
Preparation is the difference between a taxpayer who gets rattled and one who holds steady. The audit itself is rarely where cases are won or lost—preparation is.